The social network is worth even more now. But what value does it have in our relationships?
It seems like a week can't go by without Facebook making headlines, whether it's frustration with their privacy policies or buzz about new features like Timeline. Now, the social media site has reached another milestone with its IPO filing on Wednesday. The IPO, worth about $5 billion, makes many of the company's employees overnight multi-millionaires. But these big numbers aren't quite as staggering when one considers how much traffic Facebook gets. In December 2011 alone, the site had an average of 483 million daily active users. It seems there isn't any area of life that the social network hasn't impacted. But even with Facebook becoming pretty much ubiquitous and a nearly basic life necessity, it's important to regularly ask just how much it's changed our lives and our relationships--for better and worse.

Not Real Life
Most of the people on the planet are now using digital connections, from texting to email to social media such as Twitter and, of course, Facebook.We are connecting with others instantly and forming communities. Digital connections are also showing us how important people are to us, and how we constantly seek some sort of contact. This connection, especially social media, has an increased presence in our best friendships.

While social media can be useful to maintain connections and increase acquaintances you may have in common areas of interest, most people do not meet their best friends through social media. There are exceptions, of course, such as high school classmates reassuming friendships on Facebook, but for the most part, people simply meet their best friends face-to-face in some arena of life and then use social media to stay connected with those individuals. There are simply too many obstacles in starting up a close friendship over social media, such as the time involved, not being able to know who the person really is and understanding the life context of another person.

Once you have an established friendship, digital connection--especially social media--is essentially neutral. It is not fundamentally good or bad in its essence; rather, it is a magnifying glass. In best friend relationships, social media makes good things better and bad things worse.

When people have a healthy and honest friendship, Facebook is a great way to stay in touch because it is so convenient and efficient. If you have five minutes between meetings, you can post a comment on a friend's wall and read something she has written about the kids or a trip she is on. I personally get a great deal of satisfaction out of communicating instantly with people I know around the world. It solves many of the problems of not being able to see or talk to someone you are close to. It does not tend to be all that substantive and personal, but it's a good, social connection.

The other side is true as well. If a relationship is struggling, it is hard to fix it over digital connections. Anything negative or confrontational seems much worse when you read it. In fact, I tell people to simply not confront each other digitally at all, as it is so easy for the responder to feel attacked or judged. Also, this sort of medium allows us to hide. We can present aspects of ourselves that are not true, or conceal parts that we don't want the other to know about. It is a simple matter to construct a persona that is not really true.

Suppose, for example, that you are struggling in a relationship, but don't want to be a downer for your friend. In that case, you'll tend to post pictures and chatty information, without getting to the heart of the matter. If you will be talking to him or her soon, that is one thing; you are simply waiting for an opportune conversation. But if you are avoiding the negative information, you are not helping your relationship develop. That doesn't mean you should convey it online. It means be intentional and find a time to be personal and present when you do.